over, already
by thisloser
Summary: No matter what Gai says, they might actually be too old for sleepovers.


It was late when he got back, too late to sleep, he thought. The night felt worn, threadbare like the fabric of his top where the armor had chafed almost through to his skin.

Kakashi dropped by his apartment to dump his backpack and take off his dusty mask and uniform. He put on sweatpants, a sleeveless top and a sweatshirt, gathered a few things and darted out as quickly as he had come.

Under the new shirt, his skin was still sweaty and gritty with sand that seemed glued to his body. He felt like he had carried half the Desert of Wind home in his hair, under finger- and toenails, in the small of his back, in every nook and cranny of his body. He was sore and itchy and there was only one place to go in this state.

Thankfully, Konoha's onsen was open twenty-four hours, seven days a week, which was a necessity in a village full of often grimy, stressed-out shinobi.

Kakashi himself didn't go much – he preferred a shower in the privacy of his own home -but after the week he'd had, he decided he needed a more thorough soaking than he would get in his tiny shower. Besides, even in a ninja village, the onsen was usually empty at three in the morning.

He ducked inside, into the tiled changing area, his hands already grabbing the hem of his sweatshirt, ready to pull it over his head, but then he saw something that stalled him movements momentarily.

On top of one of the wooden benches in the center of the room lay three sets of clothing, one a neatly folded stack, the second slightly less neat with a square of blue cloth hanging off the bench next to it, and the third…

Kakashi grimaced at the all too familiar green abomination that was in the process of sliding to the floor.

From the actual bath, he could hear sounds of splashing and voices.

Well,_ they_ hadn't noticed him yet, so he could still leave.

Kakashi sighed. He was tired and sore; he had been looking forward to this bath, to scrubbing every reminder of his last mission off his skin. A shower just wouldn't do.

Besides, these people were actually supposed to be his friends. Obito would have…

He sighed again, bracing himself like he would for an injection, then he undressed and took the few steps past the lockers towards the bathing area, converting his towel into a makeshift mask before he walked into the bathers' line of sight.

Unsurprisingly, Gai spotted him first.

He was sitting in the bath, up to his chin in the steaming water, but as soon as he laid eyes on Kakashi he practically jumped.

"Rival!" he shouted, loud enough to wake half the village, and certainly loud enough to startle Genma and Ebisu, who had been relaxing with their eyes closed, to reluctant attention. "Did you come for a challenge?!"

"Yo." Kakashi waved, a slow, heavy motion, his fingers remaining half-curled. "And no."

There was much splashing and the pulling of faces accompanying quick dodging as Gai flailed in response like a drowning man. Genma and Ebisu scooted away from their teammate in one perfectly synchronized motion, like scissors opening, leaving Gai sitting in the now wide space between them.

Genma tipped his head in vague greeting as Kakashi settled on one of the wooden stools by the wall to commence washing off the filth of a week in the desert.

"Did you just come from a mission?" The question stalled his hand mid-scrub. The warm washcloth resting on his shoulder felt like a toothless, drooling mouth. He knew that Ebisu had meant nothing by the question, just conversation, but the silence that stretched between them was expectant, filled with curiosity. His life wasn't like theirs anymore, hadn't been for a long time, and no matter how hard he scrubbed, he couldn't get the weight off.

"Classified," Kakashi said because it was true. ANBU missions were not something you could discuss with your friends or even family. Whether Kakashi wanted to or not had nothing to do with anything.

"Ah, I see." Ebisu smiled knowingly, nodding to himself.

Genma sighed and closed his eyes again.

Apparently the conversation was over, so Kakashi resumed scrubbing. There seemed to be a small dune under his left arm and it desperately needed removing.

"I'll do your back!" The exclamation came suddenly from the bath and was quickly followed by splashing and the wet sound of bare feet padding across tiles. Kakashi kept his eye trained on the back of his hand, on the flushed skin he was scrubbing, but under the towel the corner of his mouth lifted into the tiniest smile.

As soon as Gai had dragged a stool over and plopped down on it, Kakashi's back was treated to a vigorous massage, which was exactly what he needed; Gai's fingers digging into his shoulders through the soft fabric of the washcloth.

"What have you three been up to?" he asked as he tried not to lean into Gai's touch too obviously. Not that Genma and Ebisu were really watching, but still…

"B-rank in Tanzaku," Genma replied, his eyes remaining closed. He made a throwaway pointing gesture with his thumb. "Ebi here needs some real experience if he wants to make special jounin any time soon. So he begged us to come along, since no other squad would have Mr Know it all."

There was a splash as the palm of Ebisu's hand struck the water; Kakashi took one look at his flushed face and suppressed a sigh. Outraged Ebisu was rarely fun, that was, unless Kakashi himself was cause for his outrage. "First of all, _don't_ call me that! And secondly, that is complete—"

"Uh-uh, right. You may wanna think twice about picking a fight under the circumstances." Genma was smirking in a way that made Kakashi suspect Ebisu would not hear the end of this for a long time coming.

"Don't argue, comrades! All that matters is that we combined our strength and defeated the enemy with ease! Another great victory!" Gai chimed in, his voice a little too loud in Kakashi's ears. From the tub came nothing but a sloshing noise as Ebisu deflated and sank back against the wall.

Kakashi closed his eye, relaxing again. Troublesome incident averted.

Gai's ministrations grew somewhat more gentle. He was rubbing small circles now, between Kakashi's shoulder blades.

"How did you fare, Rival?" Gai asked, in a _by the way_ sort of manner. Kakashi could see right through him, though.

"Classified…" he answered after a few dangerous seconds. He was grateful for the rough fabric of his makeshift mask. It kept his lips from moving too much, from spilling all his secrets.

* * *

The three of them stepped out onto the dark street about an hour later. Genma and Ebisu said their goodbyes right there, while Kakashi and Gai set off into the same direction. They were practically neighbors, not, or so Kakashi suspected, by accident.

Kakashi wasn't in a talking mood, or maybe he was; only he had nothing he _could_ say, so he listened to Gai go on and on about his mission, his team, his life, everything more or less jumbled together, while they walked the village's deserted streets.

"Hey," Gai said, interrupting himself mid-rant – something about a new restaurant in Tanzaku, Kakashi hadn't really been paying attention – "Kakashi, are you tired?"

"Hmm, kind of, why?" The truth was he was exhausted, bone-tired, but felt too wired to sleep. He knew he would lie awake in bed, stare at the cracks in his ceiling, go over the mission in his head again and again, in an endless loop, until sunrise when he'd get up and go to the memorial. And then to the hospital… or maybe not.

"Because _I_'m not! My body is brimming with youthful energy! I feel like I could explode!" Gai threw his arms in the air as if to demonstrate his imminent explosion. Kakashi looked up at his fingertips, seemingly close enough to the stars to actually touch them. He smiled a little to himself.

"Don't," he said, "I don't want to be killed in the blast. Plus, it would be pretty messy. I'm sure no one wants to have to clean your guts off the street."

"It was just a figure of speech! You know that!" Gai pointed accusingly and Kakashi shrugged. He was still smiling, but not letting it show.

"I was thinking we could have a challenge!" More Pointing and glaring.

"You always think that."

"Of course! Because you can't have a rivalry without challenges!"

"Let's not have a rivalry then."

"Kakashiiii!" A perfectly childish wail. Kakashi was used this, had been expecting it, really. However, they were currently in the middle of the street, not to mention the night.

"Gai, you'll wake the whole village…" he warned in a hushed voice. What was there to do? Kakashi looked at the buildings around them, with their dark, shuttered windows. Nowhere to go but home.

"Hmmm, do you want to come to my place?" he asked casually, his fingers working the fabric inside his pockets.

"Your place? For a challenge?"

"More like a sleepover." This was probably a bad idea. Kakashi glanced at Gai's guileless face, the genuine happiness that materialized on it as his words sank in. He shrugged as dismissively as he could. "It doesn't really matter. If you don't want—"

"I want to! I totally want to! I've never had a sleepover! This is a new step for our rivalry, Kakashi!"

Sighing, Kakashi led the way.

* * *

He didn't really know why he'd brought Gai back to his apartment with him, but as Kakashi stepped through the door into his dark hallway and toed off his sandals, he found that he was strangely glad he wasn't alone.

"What are you supposed to do during a sleepover?" Gai piped up behind him.

Kakashi smirked, "Sleep," he said.

"Oh… " Gai's face fell, but only for a second. "That could be a competition! We could see who falls asleep first!"

Kakashi shrugged. "Whatever…"

Gai trailed after him like a loyal dog, past the bathroom into the bedroom, where he suddenly stopped, a few steps behind Kakashi.

"Hm?"Gai stood by the door, his eyes fixed on the centre of the room. "Kakashi, you only have one bed!"

How many times had Gai been in his apartment? Kakashi wondered. And yet he still managed to be surprised by the completely obvious. "You can sleep on the couch," he said over his shoulder while lifting the hem of his sweatshirt.

"How is it a proper sleepover if I sleep in another room?!" _Tantrum-time._

Kakashi pulled his shirt over his head and turned around, unfazed by Gai's antics.

"Well, I don't have a spare futon and I'm pretty sure my sleeping bag is still full of sand – and possibly scorpions—"

_"Scorpions?"_

"Classified…" Kakashi suppressed a smile at Gai's alarmed expression. "Anyway, you could go to your place and get something… or, you know, just sleep there. It's not like we have to have a sleepover. We're a little too old for one, anyway…"

As expected, Gai immediately erupted into a shouting, flailing mess.

"What?!But you said - You can't offer someone a sleepover and then not have a sleepover! That's—That's-!" He paused to suck in a probably much needed breath. "And also we're not _too old_! We're not too old for_ anything_!"

With a wince, Kakashi remembered that he had neighbors, neighbors who were most likely trying to sleep. It was a fact that Gai should have been aware of, but that seemed to have slipped his mind – as usual.

Kakashi looked around the room. There was nothing under the bed, not even an extra blanket. He didn't bring people back here to spend the night. At least he never had before. That left only one option.

"Fine. If you're that set on it, I guess we can share the bed," he said, shrugging to show how much he didn't really care one way or the other. Truth be told, he felt inexplicably nauseous at the prospect. Maybe he'd caught heatstroke in the desert?

Gai's grin was downright blinding. "Right! The intimacy of a shared bed is nothing a pair of eternal rivals can't handle!" He whipped out an energetic thumbs-up that had Kakashi's shoulders slumping in response. "Yosh! This will strengthen our bond and bring us much closer – literally!" Gai shouted at the top of his lungs. Clearly, he had never even heard of a thing called "neighbors"… or being kicked out of one's apartment for causing disturbances.

Kakashi felt like Gai had sucked all up all his energy. "Yeah yeah, just don't hog all the space, okay?" he mumbled, wondering if it was possible to die from an overexposure to youth.

* * *

"Happy now?" Kakashi asked as Gai slipped under the covers.

A little too close for comfort.

At least the lights were off and he wouldn't have to look at Gai's attire any longer. The tiniest pair of white y-fronts, adorned with a pattern of disturbingly cheerful turtles. He wondered if Ningame knew about that.

"Yes! And I'm going to beat you at falling asleep first! Good night, Kakashi!" Gai practically slammed his head down onto the pillow and screwed his eyes shut.

He was such a kid still, Kakashi thought. It was slightly disconcerting sometimes. To look at Gai who had grown so much during the past year – he was now a little taller than Kakashi, when before they'd always been roughly the same height – and see the way he acted, so innocent despite his age, the missions, everything.

And maybe Kakashi envied him. Just a little bit. Sometimes.

"Yeah, yeah. Night, Gai," he said, his back to Gai, his face hidden under his mask and half-buried in his pillow.

Sleep embraced him the moment he closed his eye.

* * *

Kakashi woke with a gasp; he felt too warm, as if he was flushed with fever. Disjointed images were floating through his mind. Remnants of a half-forgotten dream.

He was pressed up against a warm body, his arm slung around that other person's waist. Had he really brought her here?

No. No, she was at the hospital.

"What's wrong?" the other person mumbled sleepily. "Kakashi?"

Not her. Gai. That was it; he'd invited Gai for a sleepover and now they were _spooning_ in his bed.

Kakashi groaned softly, rubbing his sweaty brow. This had been a_ great_ idea.

"Kakashi." Gai shifted and Kakashi suddenly felt Gai's backside rub very pleasantly against his crotch. His hot, pulsing –

"Something's poking me," Gai complained.

His face practically on fire from mortification, Kakashi scooted backwards as fast as he could, inadvertently pulling the blanket with him. He ended up pressed against the headboard, one leg hanging off the side of the bed, clutching his blanket to his chest.

"What's wrong?" In one smooth motion, Gai was sitting up, lotus-style, a befuddled look on his face.

"Nothing…" Kakashi simply needed to think of an excuse to toss Gai out. Or maybe it would be enough if he… He couldn't think of anything. "Just go back to sleep," he said lamely.

"Huh?" Gai folded his arms in front of his muscular chest. Silently, Kakashi cursed the breaking dawn that sent spikes of light into the room. He shifted, pulling his legs to his chest, which was somewhat uncomfortable. Kakashi bit his lip and endured.

Gai cocked his head, his big brows forming two slopes that looked about to meet above his nose. "Something's-" He paused. Kakashi tried very hard to will down his erection. "Oi, Kakashi! You!" and there was the pointing. "You have a hard-on!"

"Shut up! It happens!" How had Gai been able to put two and two together this quickly? "It's got nothing to do with you!"And why had Kakashi felt the need to add that? Why would it have anything to do with Gai in the first place? On the inside Kakashi was cringing so hard, it felt like he was about to implode into a black hole.

"Well, don't go poking me with it!" Gai shouted.

And that seemed to be that, since, without another word, Gai stretched out on the bed again.

"Can you come back with the blanket now?" he asked petulantly.

"You're okay with that?" Kakashi didn't know what to make of the situation. Gai shot him a confused look.

"What? It's normal. Just jerk off."

Kakashi couldn't believe his ears. "Like I would in front of you!"

_Seriously._

Gai yawned and reached for the corner of the blanket. "Why? It's a sign that you're young and healthy, Kakashi! And full of youthful vigor! We used to do it all the time."

Kakashi was about to tell him that no, they had never done this and never would when Gai caught his look and clarified.

"Genma and Ebisu. We shared tents. They jerked off a lot, _especially_ Ebisu."

Was that what having teammates your own age was like? Suddenly, Kakashi wasn't so sure he'd missed out. When he didn't make any move to leave his corner or let go of the blanket, Gai frowned.

"What?" he asked. "Want me to help?"

"Help?" Kakashi parroted, completely at a loss.

"You know…" Gai rolled on his side and shrugged with one shoulder. "Do it for you."

"What?!" That had almost been a squawk, Kakashi bit his lip again, harder. But, seriously, there was no way this was actually happening. He had to be dreaming. That had to be it.

"Sometimes it's more relaxing if someone else does it for you." Gai sounded perfectly matter-of-fact. As if he was talking about training and not offering free hand jobs. "It's not sex," he added. _At last_ a tiny bit defensively. "It's not sex unless there's penetration, so it's not weird or anything."

"Who told you _that_?" This time, Kakashi didn't bother to suppress the alarm in his voice. Gai was simply too gullible, and Kakashi was starting to get strangely angry on his behalf. There were certain things that just—

_No._

"Ebisu. Why?"

_That Ebisu… He's reached a new level of perversion, _Kakashi thought, _I can't call myself a pervert anymore, not in face of _this_. I'm going to kill him if—_

Kakashi swallowed the fury that had inexplicably overcome him. He felt like he was standing at the precipice of something. There was a line he didn't want to cross, but if Ebisu had— He was older than Gai and him, if only by a bit more than a year, but still…

"Gai, Ebisu… hasn't been making you do stuff with him, right?" The question came out hushed and urgent. Kakashi wondered what had possessed him, how they'd ended up in this situation.

Gai's eyebrows shot up; he looked like he was about to burst out laughing. "Ebisu? Have you seen him? His arms are like chopsticks! He couldn't _make _me do anything!"

"It's not just—"

Gai scowled. "I'm not _stupid_. We care about each other, so we helped each other out! It's what friends do!"

"But it's okay if you don't want to! I know about boundaries!" he added hastily, apologetically. "And I can respect them!"

What was that weird feeling in his chest? Kakashi was almost… disappointed? Disillusioned? He was still somewhat angry with Ebisu, although he couldn't have explained _why_. All of a sudden, he felt defiant, despondent against his better instincts.

"I… actually…" _This is a very bad idea._ "Okay, if you want to…"

"It's no trouble," Gai said magnanimously.

_It's no trouble,_ Kakashi thought.

For some reason, the expression left a bitter taste in his mouth.

* * *

He'd curled up on his side of the bed, facing the wall since it seemed easier than facing Gai, who lay pressed up against his back, his hand fishing around in Kakashi's pajama bottoms.

Kakashi imagined Gai's tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth and bit back a chuckle.

Then he hissed as Gai's fingers found their target.

"Is this good?" Gai asked, his breath warming the back of Kakashi's ear.

"Yeah…" Gai's hand was calloused and somewhat rough but Kakashi found himself liking it all the more for that. It felt… honest, he thought, as weird as that probably was.

As Gai stroked him, Kakashi unconsciously timed his breaths to his Gai's caresses. They sped up with Gai's hand; they hitched when Gai paused.

Kakashi closed his eye; his fingers digging into the mattress, trying to anchor himself while Gai held him in the palm of his hand.

He bit back a groan, thinking of Gai in the hazy bath, his naked body, all grown up and muscular, his hands on Kakashi's shoulders, thinking all these thoughts without wanting to. Memories of Gai, silly things he'd said and done, sweet things, and his breath against Kakashi's cheek in that very moment, all of it mixed up, threading itself into Kakashi's brain, through his body.

He gasped, not Gai's name, not that, just a random, wounded noise, as his body tensed and then relaxed.

Kakashi blinked, his breathing still fast but slowing down, winding down. His arousal gone, his cheeks were flushed with a different kind of heat, _embarrassment_. Kakashi wanted to groan and hide his face under more than just his mask.

Gai, however, simply withdrew his hand, wiping it on Kakashi's pajama bottoms.

"There," he said with no small amount of pride. "I'm pretty good at this, aren't I?"

It was almost a miracle, Kakashi thought, how, even after all this time, Gai could still render him completely speechless.

* * *

There was no awkwardness afterwards, which Kakashi found more than a little strange. But then, this was Gai, who was clearly a person with no concept of shame.

They were still in bed together, and it still wasn't fully light outside, and Gai had grumbled something about getting more sleep without anyone poking him, and Kakashi had smiled and said, "Okay."

And yet…

Kakashi was staring at the cracks in his ceiling and listening to Gai's breathing next to him.

Between the spider web in the corner and the small stain by the lamp, he came to a decision.

"One of my squad-members was injured on my mission," he told the ceiling. "She's in the hospital now."

Gai whipped around as if he had been stung. He gave Kakashi a light shove. "Kakashi! You're not supposed to talk about that!" For once, his voice was hushed. Kakashi turned on his side to face his friend and caught him glancing around the room. Looking for the ANBU squad that would drag them away for their indiscretion, no doubt.

Kakashi smiled under his mask, despite everything.

"Gai, are you secretly a spy?" he asked very gravely.

Gai frowned, momentarily confused, as if he wasn't quite sure whether he might not in fact be one. "No, but…"

"You're not going to tell anyone, are you?"

"No! But—" Now he was glaring, which, so help him, Kakashi thought made him look kind of cute.

"Then it's okay. I've decided to trust you."

And that was all it took for tears to appear in Gai's big, dark eyes. "Kakashi…"

Kakashi sighed. He didn't want a scene. He just wanted to get this out. He wanted to tell Gai because Gai was the only one…

"That member of my squad, she got injured trying to protect me," he said.

Gai nodded. Kakashi could tell that he was filling in the blanks in the story on his own. Everything else aside, Gai was still a shinobi with a fair amount of battle experience. "You're the captain, the head of the team, it's only natural that—"

"It wasn't because of that." Kakashi knew he would carry that moment for the rest of his life. That memory would never leave him. The look in her eyes, that quiet despair in those pinprick pupils. "And I wasn't even really in danger. She acted rashly because she thought I was." He heard his own dismay, the anger he felt at no one but himself; it ran through his voice like a current.

Gai was visibly startled by it; his eyes widened a fraction and his reply was blurted out in protest, full of conviction, "Because you're her comrade!"

"No, because I've slept with her," Kakashi dead-panned. There, it was out. He braced himself for the inevitable judgment, and almost fell out of bed when it came.

"K-Kakashi! You have a girlfriend!" Gai was weeping tears of manly admiration – and if Kakashi was able to tell the difference between Gai's tears, he was probably in more trouble than he had thought – anyway, Gai sat up in bed and pointed down at him. "That is so like you! You're so cool! You've stolen a beautiful maiden's heart!"

"She's not my girlfriend. I don't love her and she doesn't love me. It's just sex." Once again, the look on her face flashed before his eye. "At least it was," he sighed.

"Ah, she likes you now! She's fallen in love with you! You handsome devil! I'm jealous!"

Looking at Gai, starry-eyed, hopeful Gai, was endlessly depressing, Kakashi thought. How could anyone still believe in happy endings?

"Gai… I should never have done that. I'm her squad -captain. She's my subordinate," he explained, propping his chin on his elbow."It's wrong. Besides, I don't love her at all."

Gai's brows furrowed again. He let himself drop back onto the pillow. "Then why did you sleep with her in the first place?"

"I told you, it was just sex. She's older than me." And she'd offered, that was really all it had taken. He was fifteen, Kakashi thought sullenly, Gai wasn't much older, he should be able to understand _that _much. But instead of spelling it out like that, Kakashi tried for a lighter tone. "I guess you could say she seduced this innocent boy and stole his virginity," he said with a forced twinkle in his eye.

Unexpectedly, Gai shot him down.

He stared at Kakashi, his eyes hard and _old, _so much older than his sixteen years. "We're not kids, Kakashi."

"I guess we're not." Kakashi swallowed against the inexplicable lump in his throat. _I guess we're not innocent at all. _

She sure hadn't pegged him for it. Otherwise she might not have approached him like that to begin with.

_You know about loss, don't you?_

_You understand what it's like, Taichou._

_I know it's wrong. I'm so much older than you._

_I loved him, you know, we were going to get married._

_They say the same thing happened to the great Tsunade._

_But I'm not so great, am I?_

_I have some advice for you, Kakashi-kun … _

_…Never fall in love. _

He hadn't. It had been easy, too easy perhaps.

"You have to take responsibility," Gai said.

Kakashi lowered his gaze, looking at Gai's Adam's apple instead of his face. "I'm going to break it off with her and I'll ask to be reassigned to a new squad. I'll come clean."

Gai nodded, his expression dead-serious. "Hm."

"Have you lost respect for me now?" Kakashi asked earnestly, surprising himself a little. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest. He wanted Gai's honest answer and he needed it to be _No_. He didn't know why it mattered, only that it _did_.

After a torturous moment of contemplation, Gai shook his head. "No. You used her, but she used you, too, didn't she? It was like a challenge and she lost." He glared at Kakashi. "But don't do anything like that again, you hear me, Rival? Don't play around with people's hearts and don't let them play with yours!"

Relief made Kakashi feel lighter. It made him smile a hidden smile. "I won't." He raised his right hand off the mattress. "I swear to give my heart only to porn," he declared solemnly as Gai nodded along.

"_Porn_?!" Gai froze mid-nod, his face reddening. "Kakashi—!"

But Kakashi wasn't even listening anymore. "Gai?" he interrupted before the lecture on Youthful and Appropriate reading materials could start, before they'd go back to their routine.

"What?" Gai was pouting already, the contours of his lips painted in shadow. Kakashi found himself thinking that he liked their shape. Then he stopped himself from thinking further. There was something he wanted to confirm.

"Have you ever slept with anyone?" he asked. He studied Gai's face, noting the slight surprise that was conveyed by the ever so subtle lift of Gai's bushy eyebrows, the way his lower lip jutted out just a little as he processed the question. He could tell that Gai was wondering about his motives for asking that, and at the same time Kakashi wondered when _he_ had become so literate in Gai's expressions.

Still lying on his side, Gai did his best to straighten up and look imposing. "…No, not yet, so you've bested me in this, Rival! But soon—"

This time, Kakashi let Gai see his smile in the crinkle of his eye. "Good," he said, cutting Gai off before he could get to the part Kakashi didn't want to hear.

"Huh?"

Gai's eyes were very dark in this grey, stillborn light. Kakashi looked into them, seeing confusion and concern – concern for _him. _It made him want to reach out to Gai, to put his hand on that sharp cheekbone, to smoothen it and all the new angles of Gai's face, but he knew he couldn't.

"Can you give me a promise?" he asked.

"_You_ want a promise from _me, _Rival?! That's-" Gai stopped himself abruptly, his starry-eyed eagerness replaced by suspicion as, or so Kakashi guessed, similar events and their outcomes entered his mind.

Gai narrowed his eyes at Kakashi. _"_Wait, what kind of promise?"

Kakashi pulled the blanket a little tighter around himself. The light that came in from the window was colorless, cool. Outside, a cloudy day was breaking.

"Don't lose your virginity to someone you don't care about, okay?" Kakashi said. _Don't make the same mistake I did._

Gai's expression shifted from apprehensive curiosity into confusion. Kakashi watched him fiddle with the blanket guiltily. "Why would you even—" So he'd been thinking about it; well, of course he had.

"Gai, can you just promise?"

"Okay," Gai said after a moment. "I won't. I promise."

"Good." Kakashi smiled again. "Oh, and don't go losing your virginity to Ebisu either," he added, his voice dripping mock-concern.

That triggered a more lively response. "Like I'd do _that_!" Gai exclaimed, all scandalized.

For a moment, Kakashi studied Gai, drinking in the sight. He wanted it burned into his memory, blotting out his failure. He wanted to preserve Gai, _this_ Gai, the way he was right now, sixteen and lying in Kakashi's bed, the blanket around his waist, exposing the smooth, soft skin stretching over his stomach muscles.

In the shadows that played across that unmarred expanse of skin when Gai shifted, Kakashi could already see the scars that were right there, waiting for Gai to grow into them.

He thought of her then, lying between starched hospital sheets, his failure as a captain carved into her belly.

And he remembered the touch of Gai's hand, cool and sure, for those fleeting, irretrievable moments.

"What's wrong?" Gai asked, giving him a concerned look. Kakashi had been quiet for too long, lost in his thoughts.

"Nothing," he said.

The sun had risen outside.

Defying Kakashi's half-drawn blinds, its light crawled along their bodies.

There was no stopping it.

end.


End file.
